dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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