I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
