Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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