Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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