So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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