Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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