too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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