this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
vagina is talking i cant
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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