i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
