I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
