do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
