Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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