dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
