I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
