So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
