just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
