From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
