i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
