i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
