She is in my trunk
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
