saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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