That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
