I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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