i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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