You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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