I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
