there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
