Cold hands, warm shart.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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