I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
