speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
