How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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