We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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