The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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