I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
