I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
