brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I love you.
Bad choice
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