i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
