I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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