The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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