hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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