who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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