I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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