I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
