Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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