Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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