dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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