ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
