It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
