I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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