He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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