It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
